In all areas of life we are continuously met with loss. Losing a friend, a game of basketball or being unsuccessful in seeking a new job. Loss is a part of life and reframing loss into a positive learning experience is vital in order to thrive and grow day to day. In our modern pandered meander through life we have tried to eliminate loss as much as possible, to the point where we find it offensive and galling to have to put up with losing. We are taught in the modern world to be successful, be all that you can be, however rather than being taught that losing is a positive experience we are taught to win at all costs. We are taught to cheat. We are taught to avoid losing, rather than embrace it, learn from it and grow. Can you imagine if the first humans decided to sack it and go put their feet up when they failed to catch their prey, or when they failed for the one hundredth time to understand how to start a fire. They would have failed. Humanity would have failed. The modern world needs to learn to shrug off a win and continue to work hard and to learn to love losing. I worked out a long time ago that I hate losing more than I like winning. When I worked this out I was able to understand my motivations for competing and being competitive. However I would walk around with a dark cloud over my head for days after a loss. On the flip side the glow and sheen of winning would only last a short time, often leaving a void that I had to fill. It was not until I grew older (and started to meditate) that I began to fully understand the unique position losing can put you in, if approached with the right mindset. Losing is the springboard to success. Without loss, there is no way to appreciate winning. Losing can help you in any life situation you find yourself in, if approached the right way. Losing helps develop a winning culture (if approached correctly) As you all know I have been involved in basketball for a long time now. I have coached a number of teams and have seen success at the levels to which the teams were playing. With success comes the opportunity to step up to the next level. With very few exceptions stepping up to the next level in sport often means going from winning most of your games to losing most of your games. Unless managed right this can be a very difficult transition for teams and individuals. The same can be said from a job promotion. How many of you out there remember sitting there a couple of weeks into a new job thinking, 'How do I do this?', 'I am out of my depth!', or 'I don't know what I am doing!'. In this situation you are going from winning every day in your previous role to being challenged and often losing office battles regularly. In both instances it takes time to learn from your mistakes in order to develop a winning streak at your new level of play. Back to sports, I love stepping up to a higher level of competition. The games are tougher and more physical. The athletes are faster, stronger and more efficient. Moving up a level will lead a good coach to revisit their approach to the game they are coaching. It won't change their coaching ethos and their overarching beliefs of the sport, however it will challenge how they get their teams to prepare and train. The better players will also quickly learn that they need to change things up with regards to their preparation for competition. Extra training, more focused training, more concentration on core fundamental skills are all important in the step up. Decision making will need to be quicker and more concise, the ability to deal with different and new emotions and gaining a real appreciation of where you are in the new context of the league you have stepped into are all very important. In a family setting I have had many losses since becoming a father. I count every time I lose temper a loss, every time I raise my voice, or every time I am grumpy with my wife and kids. My first child has had to suffer the most of my parenting mistakes, however conversely she is also now hopefully reaping the benefits of my much improved fatherly skills now that I have three children. I have definitely grown and developed as a father, but I have made a ton of mistakes along the way. In this instance I have not stepped up to play in a higher league, I have stepped into a completely new sport!!!! However the same point stands, through failing and making mistakes I have learned to thrive. In every aspect of life framing losing as a way to learn, grow and develop will allow you to turn defeat into victory. Losing forces you to be reflective and evaluate How many times have you gone into a situation thinking, 'I am the best, today I will win, I am better than these other people', and the outcome of that situation is a negative one? It has happened to me a lot, especially in sport. You win a couple of games on the trot and the general feeling is, I am good, we are good, and we have no weaknesses. It has taken me a long time to change this kind of thinking in my own head and it is a challenge as a coach, a friend and a parent when I see others floating on the cloud of success and feeling invincible. Conversely how different is the conversation when we lose? It is a more focused, analytical conversation looking at the minutia. Winning allows you to think of things at a macro level, you don't bother with the small details. You can tend to brush over the mistakes and take them as they come because.....well.....you won!!! Losing however sets the mind into the micro level, you pour over the details, you get stuck on that one play, that one sentence spoke, that one answer in the test, and you go over and over and over it. So, why not use this focus in a positive way. Rather than being self-critical and damaging use the time after a loss to be reflective, pick up a number of key points to work on and then move on. Also focus on the things that you can influence. There is no point blaming the referees, or the other person in an argument. Look at the factors you can change and put a plan in place. Also it is important to seek feedback so that you are looking at issues from other perspectives, not only your own. If you don't get a job, ask for feedback as you will want to do better on the next recruitment process. If your partner is annoyed at you for doing something wrong make sure you understand what it is you did wrong so you can correct it. If your work project doesn't get the results you though you would make sure you understand why. Losing makes you focus, so use it to your advantage. Turn a negative experience into a positive one. Losing Challenges the ego Lastly, losing challenges the ego. It knocks you down a peg or two, it humbles you. I personally think that this is a very positive thing. For me losing has kept me balanced, it has stopped me getting big headed and it keeps me honest. I do not approach any situation expecting to be the winner. I know that in any situation I have to go and take the victory. This is done through being prepared, doing the work, going the extra mile and staying grounded and humble. Also if I approach every situation like this I am much more able to deal with the outcome in a positive manner. If I have prepared and tried my best and lost, then I have done my best. I can reconcile this with myself, think about what needs to change and then go work on it. For me the secret is not getting too high after a win and not getting too low after a defeat. Stay on the level, stay grounded and enjoy the experience. The outcome is the outcome and whether you win or lose, you have learned some valuable lessons and will be a better person for it. So, please go out there and lose...lose hard....enjoy it, reflect on it and move onwards and upwards. Peace and Happiness.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMy name is Andy Smyth, I have spent the last decade working in the field of Sports Development, where I have had the pleasure of working to grow leaders within local community sports clubs in Scotland. Archives
August 2017
Categories
All
|